Trojan: An Epic LitRPG Adventure (Afterlife Online Book 3) Read online

  This was a game world, I told myself. Everything was a challenge. Every challenge came with a reward. There had to be a point to all of this. And if the bitches attacked me, I'd wipe out every last one of them on this stupid rock.

  I carefully lowered myself past the top of the hull. Izzy's ice was still there and being half melted just made it more slippery. I passed a thawing mermaid finger embedded in the wood. The spell had frozen it to the side and protected it during our turbo gear. I grimaced as I peeled it from the hull and tossed it to the rock below. A siren moved out of the way as it bounced beside her. If the severed finger otherwise bothered her, she didn't show it.

  I thought about making the same leap but wasn't sure enough of my footing. Although I'd been hoping to keep my boots dry, by the time I lowered myself a safe enough distance it was clear I was getting wet. I leapt to the shallows just as a rogue wave battered my back and sent me under.

  Sand whipped my face as my foot slipped further. One second I was worried about embarrassment and the next I realized I might be in trouble. When a light hand caught my wrist and pulled me to shore, I knew I was in trouble.

  A tanned beach beauty stood over me while I crawled ashore on hands and knees. My face was right in her cooch and she didn't back away or anything. Based on my entirely evidentiary inspection—for science—her lady parts appeared completely normal. I blinked and looked up.

  The siren seductively smiled down between very large breasts. There were no tan lines, of course, and her skin was perfect. Hard nipples poked out between a wiry blouse of fishnet hugging her curves.

  I hurriedly ensured the wax was still safely in my ears. I sighed when I felt it.

  The siren's long lashes blinked at me expectantly.

  "Uh, nice to meet you," I offered.

  Through the earwax, my voice sounded distant, like an old recording. When she giggled and replied, I was comforted that I didn't hear a thing.

  Izzy: Get a good enough look?

  I turned away and pushed to my feet.

  Talon: I was just checking her for weapons.

  Kyle: Lol, well I hate to tell you this, but from where I'm standing I can see two giant bazookas.

  Talon: You're not helping, Kyle.

  Errol: Look more t' me like glass-cuttin' pillows.

  Talon: Guys, please. Help a brother out.

  Izzy: It's kinda impossible to help you out when these tacky sirens aren't leaving anything to the imagination. You're worried about weapons? They couldn't hide a thumb tack among the lot of them.

  I peeked at the dream boobs again and reminded myself that they were all show. I had something much better.

  Talon: Fine, I was looking at boobs. It's kind of hard not to. Don't worry, Izzy. She sure is sexy, but you're smexy.

  I turned to my girlfriend on the deck of the Cutter and winked.

  Kyle: Izzy's not Mexican, she's Japanese.

  Izzy: Way to miss the point, jackass. It means I'm smart, which is more than we can say about you.

  I stepped past the pouting beauty and climbed the rocky shore. Up a short hill was the skeleton and the bone pearl. All around me, female lips moved in unison to a silent song. I checked on Grom. He was now onshore having the time of his life in a literal pile of grabby women. The whole thing looked like a Renaissance painting.

  "Wow, his sexual prowess really is legendary. I gotta step up my game."

  On the way up, two women basked in the sun, fish tails and hips swaying like the current. They sang and smiled at each other. It was sweet.

  "Nice to meet you," I mumbled. I tried to move past but one rolled into the arms of the other, long fish body blocking my path. The two sirens started making out. The one on top lowered her kisses down the other's neck, to her breasts, then stomach, then...

  "No offense," I said, "but fish scales kinda gross me out." I flashed a pleasant nod and hastily stepped over the gyrating fish body.

  This was almost too easy. The ladies frowned at each other. One turned and called out. Another woman in the background ran to get something or someone. I equipped the dragonspear and continued.

  The tension evaporated when the woman returned and presented me with two naked dude-sirens. I arched an eyebrow as they gripped each other's dongs.

  I grunted in exasperation. "I'm not gay just because I don't wanna have freaky fish sex!"

  Izzy: Okay, now THOSE are military grade!

  I turned to the boat and had a hard time catching her attention because it was glued to the boy toys. I rolled my eyes and stowed my weapon.

  Kyle: Huh, male sirens. They've got impressive technique.

  Izzy: Technique is learned. Those guys were born with it.

  Talon: Equal-opportunity sex addicts. Everyone happy now?

  I stormed past the half-baked temptation. Next up, a woman with two stork legs hopped close and winked suggestively. Her feathered backside flared in a presentation of colors.

  "That's even further out of my comfort zone."

  I sidestepped the stork woman and scaled the rock path. I was back on track. No temptations worth being tempted by. This was a silly place, when it came down to it. Magic songs were one thing but, past that, the island just required a bit of willpower.

  A pint-sized girl hopped closer on chicken legs. She had a human head but most of her body was feathered and she had wings instead of hands. She was just a kid, and something was bothering her. She spoke urgently and looked frightened.

  I frowned. She was trying to tell me something.

  "I... I can't hear you."

  She furrowed her brow and spoke again. She urgently motioned me forward.

  Izzy: What's going on down there?

  I checked the boat. The last slope of rocks partially blocked line of sight to me.

  Talon: This... little girl... wants something, I think.

  Izzy: Ignore her, Talon. The whole island is a trap.

  Talon: I know that. But...

  Something about the kid's expression rang true. She didn't seem old enough to be a savvy actress. I nodded and stepped toward her. She immediately took off down a path leading away from the bone pearl.

  Talon: I think she needs my help.

  Kyle: Protect that sailor wax or you'll die, bro.

  Kyle: Happily, perhaps, but you'll die.

  I advanced carefully. The chicken girl excitedly ran back and forth, urging me to pick up the pace down a canyon path. It wasn't long before we reached a thorny bush with a naked lady caught inside. She was thin and wholly human except for a cat tail that whisked back and forth in discomfort.

  I huffed. The woman and the girl both spoke, but I shook my head. I didn't even wanna hear what was going on. I was now completely out of sight of my shipmates. It was obvious the lady was stuck. Sharp thorns had drawn blood across her back and legs.

  Okay, I was gonna help her. I drew my trusty whittling knife and cut away a tangle of weed, extricating the woman while keeping my guard up. The little girl watched patiently from the side. Two minutes later, I pulled the siren from the bush and gently laid her on the ground.

  She was pretty, of course. A little older, but a tight body I couldn't help but notice due to her unabashed lack of modesty. She pointed to a large thorn in her foot. Contrary to their usual assertive and confident nature, this one was spooked.

  I chuckled and kneeled. Very carefully, I plucked the thorn from her flesh. It was a solid thing, three inches long and sharp as a hair. How was that for a thumb tack?

  I smiled at the little girl and handed it to her. "You see? That's it." I stood to return to the path but the woman grabbed my hand. She jerked her head to her lap.

  I saw it. Another thorn. This one was way up her inner thigh. The siren spread her legs and pleadingly pulled me near.

  I swallowed. This was a little closer to lady tang than I was hoping to get, but the woman seemed earnest. The girl watched with wet eyes. After going this far, I didn't want to let them down.

  Okay. I took a breath
and braced a hand on the woman's trembling thigh. Her muscles tensed. The contact was more intimate than it had a right to be. I traced my other hand up her leg and set my fingers on the thorn. Tension built as her body went completely stiff. I yanked that thorn out and pulled away.

  The woman's face washed with relief. She kissed my hand and avidly expressed thanks. I nodded and backed away, desperately trying to avoid any personal connection with these creatures. As the woman massaged her inner thigh, I hurried back the way I'd come.

  Seemingly as a reward for my good deed, no one else beset my path to the skeleton. I inspected the bones carefully. Didn't see an immediate cause of death.

  This place...

  I looted the body.

  [Bone Pearl]

  Polished orb with ivory swirls, but inert.

  Worth it.

  I descended the hill of rock as quickly as I could. The sirens were out in full force, of course. Something about me leaving made them jittery and sad. They moved into my path as if they hadn't seen a man their entire lives, but that was clearly not true.

  "Why don't the male sirens have sex with the female sirens?" I wondered.

  Thrashing on the coastline caught my attention. Women straddled Grom's waist and face, each hand rubbing a different siren's body—there was even a guy tickling his balls.

  Grom: Woo! I'm king of the world!!!

  [Grom] is dead!

  [Grom] has left your party

  I recoiled and looked up at the crew, all watching from the handrail. I turned back to Grom and blinked. Whoa. Literal death by snu snu.

  Time to make like a fart and blow this hole.

  As I hurried to the coastline, Errol lowered my rope down. The only thing between me and it was a short trudge through shallow water.

  And the bombshell beauty who just surfaced. It was the tanned woman with the fishnet blouse. She was busty, shivering wet, smoking hot, and busty. Yes, it needed to be said twice.

  I couldn't help one last longing look at the voluptuous woman. Part of me thought Grom had the right idea. A joyous death and a respawn wasn't the end of the world. Hell, with that fishnet outfit straining against that chest, it was almost worth the shattering XP cost. But I didn't want to get Izzy jealous, even if she totally deserved it. I didn't wanna die either but Izzy was the bigger problem.

  I stepped into the water and the beauty closed on me, singing a song I couldn't hear. She bowed her head in thanks. The sirens as a whole seemed appreciative, if perturbed at my departure. I wondered if they secretly wanted someone to look past their sexual attributes. It was like I passed some kind of test.

  I stiffened as the siren pressed against me. It was her nipples first, then the entire cushion of her breasts. She kissed my cheek lightly.

  I cleared my throat. "You're welcome?"

  With her lips still on my cheek, she spoke. A faint sound carried through my ears. A melody, sad but joyous, and more mesmerizing than the sexiest skin. If only slightly.

  Oh my God. Haven actually modeled sound waves to travel through physical objects. My ears were plugged but the beach beauty was singing through me.

  Izzy: Cut the crap, Talon. You had your lap dance. Get on the boat.

  I weakly pushed the siren away. It was like I was high on pain meds. I knew I had a shit-eating grin on my face but I couldn't wipe it off. She rubbed my chest up and down, straying dangerously and making my skin tingle. Fingers tickled my neck and unplugged the wax from my ears.

  Then a choir of angels filled my soul.

  "Talon!" screamed Izzy.

  As the group sang and moved to surround me, the beauty licked and kissed my lips. She tasted like seawater and caramel, both salty and sweet. It was unbearable.

  A crossbow bolt splashed in the water beside her. The gaggle of sirens hurried to shield us, piling in the water. I was pressed from all sides by butts and boobs and fish tails, weightless in the water as they brought me to land. I peeked out between a sandwich of skin to find the little chicken girl holding a thorn in her beak. She dropped it in my palm and skittered off. The older woman watched passively from atop the rocks. The two guys mock sparred each other with their natural appendages.

  Was this entire island filled with sociopaths?

  Errol: Don't attack 'em! If we draw blood, they will too.

  Izzy: I thought you said they were harmless!

  Errol: I didn't think ye'd be crazy enough to stab 'em.

  Stab. Stab. The little girl. Somewhere through the throbbing fleshly pleasure I had the wherewithal to clench my fist over the giant thorn. Pain spiked through my arm and jolted me awake. I jerked away from the bed of women. They'd already dragged me to shore.

  The tan beauty ripped her fishnet blouse open, letting her breasts heave and bounce. They called to me. I stabbed myself again to clear my head. While the pain jarred my thoughts, I wasn't free from the lure. The woman lowered on her back, seductively propping herself on her elbows, and sang to me. A compelling melody with a forlorn voice, a longing only I could soothe. The siren grabbed my head and spread her legs.

  I needed a bigger boat.

  Talon: Shoot me, Kyle.

  Kyle: What?

  Talon: Shoot me. ME.

  A glass bolt punched corrosive fluid straight into my butt cheek.

  27 damage

  DoT: 20 dmg/10 secs

  "Yeaargh!"

  I pulled away from the salty temptress. Kyle's alchemy was a constant tingle of annoyance, but lust was a powerful drug. My pants still desperately wanted to come off. And maybe I could fight off one woman in this state, but ten of them?

  I pulled away from grabbing hands and clawed the ground, desperately clawing for something.

  Izzy: Fuck this. I'm going down there.

  Errol: Ye'll die. Ye'll fail the quest.

  Izzy: Fuck the damn quest.

  Talon: No, Izzy! I got this.

  My hand gripped the severed undine finger I had dropped on the beach. I raised it above my head and drew it down into my shoulder. Agony exploded into my bloodstream. It blocked everything out. I couldn't even read my damage notifications. Sickness withered within me and it was hard to stay conscious let alone keep little Talon standing at attention.

  The pain was paramount as it coursed through my being, but I was finally free of the song's curse.

  I crawled to the water, shoving sirens left and right. The beauty hurried to grab me, but I gave her a hard slap in the crotch that sent her to the fetal position. I was sorry for that last part but she kinda deserved it. I wrapped the rope around my arm and tried climbing up, but the poison didn't allow such a feat of strength. Luckily I had friends to hoist me up.

  The crew unfurled the sails before I was safely aboard. The sirens wailed and cried and bemoaned their studly loss.

  "I would cry too if I were you!" I shouted back, half delirious.

  It was strange to be the only one who heard the magic of their voices. As I was pulled to the deck and we sailed away, the peace drifted from my mind. I hacked and coughed until Izzy forced a health vial down my throat.

  "Now we're even," she said gruffly, but with a smile.

  "Even," exclaimed Kyle. "You're letting him off that easily?"

  She shrugged. "I'm not the jealous type. Plus, you got the bone pearl, didn't you?" She turned to me. "Didn't you?"

  I nodded, savoring every one of my breaths.

  Izzy leaned close to my ear. "Besides, occasionally invited guests aren't against the law." She bit my ear hard enough that I wanted another healing potion.

  It took me a second, but my face lit up. "Wait, are you talking about a threesome?"

  Her eyes sparkled.

  "The good kind or the bad kind? Because—"

  The pixie forcefully slammed her hand over my mouth. "Don't ruin the moment."

  "By the Maelstrom!" cursed Errol, taking the Cutter's wheel as we cleared the Singing Spires. "We got company, men. Man yer battle stations."

  Izzy sighed. "Moment officiall
y ruined."

  1270 Age of Sail

  Pirates pulled wax from their ears and scrambled to their stations. We hurried to the helm.

  "What is it now?" I asked, annoyed I couldn't bask in my bone pearl acquisition.

  "Undine," growled Errol.

  Kyle scoffed. "I thought we already whooped their butts?"

  "Several of 'em, aye. But this looks t' be the entire mermaid nation."

  Countless streaks blazed through the seas all around the Cutter. Easily two or three times the number of undine as before, and those were only the ones visible from the surface.

  "Damned sea cows," muttered the captain. "They usually cut their losses an' run. I think our Prince Navoo took yer slight personal."

  "Can we activate the turbo sail again?"

  "Not fer another 12 hours. But we've got a good wind at our backs. The Cutter will outpace their fastest swimmers."

  The crew tightened the sails and gave it everything they had. Indeed, aside from the lull back in the Spires, we had the perfect conditions for sailing. A couple of mermaids latched onto the hull but many more fell behind.

  Kyle hefted the crossbow. "Don't worry, captain—admiral—whatever I should call you. I'll stick to corrosives and keep it off the boat."

  Izzy was already ahead of him. "Icing the hull."

  The combination of offense and defense was a good one as long as they weren't overwhelmed. Keeping up our forward speed was vital. Fortunately, it looked to be clear sailing ahead.